A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
