My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
