I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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