The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
