Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
