if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
