I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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