Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
