How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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