Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
