I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
