Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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