Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
