I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do herpes really smell.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
