yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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