just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
