I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
