Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
please come you make the beer taste better
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
