I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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