We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
