I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
