WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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