you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
