I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
