First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
