Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize