More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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