Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
