Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
