I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
