i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
