Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I party with great urgency now.
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