does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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