I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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