I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
