please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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