i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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