theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
