I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
