I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
