nut hugger
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
MIDGETS
????
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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