She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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