is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize