Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
