I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
