She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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