I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
