i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
