last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
