Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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