dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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