I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
