I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My ass is underappreciated
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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