Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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