My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
