In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
