i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
