Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
