Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
