if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
