im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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