i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
