This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
