I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
