I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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