you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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