White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
