I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
