Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
