found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
