today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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