Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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