I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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