Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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