I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have fence marks all over my body
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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