i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize