I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
