I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
