Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
