You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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