He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
