I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
